It was on my 36 birthday, sitting on under my office desk while being surrounded by colleagues in bad fitting jeans and paisley skirts, trying to kiss me or going for a real man hand shake, I made travel my life priority – I wanted to escape a lot of things, but mostly I wanted to get away from the crowds. Two years later, during my first official solo dinner (garlic fish, stuffed eggplant) near the Galata bridge in Istanbul, I was staring at my inviting plate and the empty chair in front of me and thought. “Well, this kinda sucks”.
What happened? Well, perhaps despite cultivating single toughness in my pre-travel years (thank you very much dear ex-friends and deep frozen pizzas) I still was somehow hardwired for the social aspect of eating in public after all. Or, as likely, given the fact that I spooned my meal away like it was a cheesy burger, I was just another victim of that general perception that a guy eating alone in a restaurant is either a poor sod or a genuine loser (which I am a times, to make it even more complicated), and not liking it.
Anyway, whatever it was, that daunting (existentialistic!) experience threw me a bit of balance and the rest of those first days I feverishly ignored restaurants or likes and did stick to the proper travelers fast food relief: a quick bite here and there – a döner kebab, a lahmacun, a piece of cooked corn, a Snickers – while readjusting myself to my new situation, comforting myself (when I was tired of sulking) in presence of other (lost?) streetfood people like me.
I got over it, of course. Bravery in the face of defeat, that’s me remember? Missed opportunities was a thing of the past and I sure as hell was not about to start that all over again, at least not because sitting alone in a restaurant may feel a wee bit awkward. Also I get easily ‘snack’ tired and really need a decent meal (and chair) so once a while, even it was only for future bragging rights or next evening beer driven complaints. But most importantly I suddenly REMEMBERED I really LIKE, nay, even PREFER eating alone.
Yup, it must be the anxiety of new traveled roads I totally forgot I brought my old self with me all the time. And he just likes to choose his restaurants by mood rather then food.
Welcome to zooadventurer, a site by and about me, long time traveler, but lately as often just longing for long time travel. 
After once again a too short trip back in the Netherlands, not quite enjoying it despite sunny memories of distant places.
I prefer to have company at dinner time, it’s the dating hours, after all. I feel weird at dinner in a nice place by myself, like I’m wearing my pajamas at the table or something. While traveling I switched to eating my big meal at lunch time, where I don’t feel strange at all.
Though oddly, I have come quite at peace with eating alone at dinner in the US. I’ve eaten a lot of nice meals solo in Hawaii, a real honeymooner’s destination, and it bothers me not at all.
I suppose if I feel comfortable in a place, I feel comfortable eating alone there.
pam || @nerdseyeview recently posted..315 Million Dollars Too Late
Although socially gifted (my friends will disagree), essentially I am a shy person. Hence I guess my solo endeavors, in appetites or by wandering feet. Comfort though is essential. When I travel, I travel slow, so the first thing I do is to find me that restaurant that I can turn into an impromptu home, a temporarily living room so to speak. Nothing beats that place whenever you get hungry you just kick of your shoes, let the owner or waitress decide what to eat tonight, and hang out for the rest of the evening, reading, writing, (small) taking or as often just aimlessly staring in the distance, humming like a stray-cat at rest…
I don’t mind eating by myself even in the most crowded restaurants, but find that I get a little bored not having anything to look at. Do you usually bring something to read when eating alone in restaurants?
jill- Jack and Jill Travel The World recently posted..Last Day of Work – Shouldn’t this be fun
I am never really bored when I travel – clueless what to do, doubting where to go, or how to keep my clumsiness at bay, sure, all too often. As I just wrote to pam, I try to make my dinners (but lets call it visits) as comfy as possible.
So what do I bring with me? Half my backpack, which isn’t that much anyway, especially if you ignore the dirty laundry. So, a novel, a notebook (or just a piece of paper, often some smudgy photocopied flyer I got from… well, just got handed over somewhere), a pen, my camera, a cellphone. All things are used or not used depending on my mood and plans for the night – for example if feel like talking for whatever reason (loneliness or a ‘hey you don’t know yet but today is my birthday so lets share some beers, my treat! situation) ‘I will never start goofing around with my iPhone (laptops are even worse, creating an un-penetratable bubble around you) and just stick to a bit of scribbling or reading a ‘non-sucking-in’ book. If not, i do whatever I want, like looking seemingly glum and distant.
I spent most of my 20s and early 30s dining alone, which, upon reflection, makes me sound like a bit of a pariah. I actually liked it. I liked having that time to eat as slowly or as quickly as I felt, with a good novel or a notebook or a sketchbook at hand. Sometimes I employed none of these distractors and just looked out windows if they were available, or back into the room for some hopefully unobtrusive people watching. It was oddly calming.
Well being a pariah is not that bad. Imagine you were a mum with some spoiled brats kicking chairs, totally blind for the atmosphere kill that evolves around your table. I would def consider eating somewhere else if I would’ve met you as such. So a big hurray for pariahs!
I also enjoy eating by myself. It’s a time when I can simply relax.
ChaoticMark recently posted..The High Satisfaction of Getting Muddy
I’m about to embark on my first big solo trip in 23 days. I’m looking forward to the many challenges of solo travel… even the loneliness. I’ve been a “pack animal” my whole life. So change will be good as a holiday ;-)
Ian [EagerExistence] recently posted..Howto Plan Your European Itinerary
Ah, the sweet anticipation for a trip to come! About loneliness, well, happens anywhere, at home or the road I think. Feeling alone is a different thing but can be easily ignored or adapted to, especially when traveling.
I can totally understand what you say. I love to travel solo, I love to explore a place on my own, wander through museums at my own pace and enjoy the quietness and silence. But I don’t like eating on my own. Like you say, it looks really sad. People are looking at you and you see them thinking: “Poor guy, his date is not showing up”. Especially because since you’re alone you look around at the people who’re sitting there and enter the restaurant so it actually looks like you’re expecting someone.
Therefore I mostly visit “real” restaurants only when I’m in company. If I have to eat alone I mostly opt for McDonalds or some pizza place where it isn’t ackward to eat by yourself.
Nicolas De Corte recently posted..The Art of Getting Lost
Actually I’ve been through both. I used to be terrified of eating alone – not quite sure why, but there you go. And I hate being afraid so I pushed myself to try to enjoy the experience by trying all sorts of different tactics – and slowly, it worked. By being open, smiling at people at nearby tables etc I even found they’d sometimes start the conversation. And if they didn’t, that was fine too, since eating alone slowly started being fun. I’m not quite sure how I’d handle it in a five-star restaurant with snooty waiters, though… :-)
Leyla recently posted..Solo Travel to Goa- One small trip- one giant leap
I don’t mind eating by myself; when you travel or live alone, you get used to that pretty quickly. But, like travel, I actually prefer company now that I’m a little older.
Megan recently posted..Challenge- Having Guests
Eating alone can either be a great freedom or a curse. On a sunny day outside in a new place, I can really enjoy the peoplewatching opportunities of a table for one. After a lot of crowded days on a tourbus, this is an equally welcome thing.
Though after a few days of too much self, I really prefer to be around others. This can backfire if the cute girl in the hostel that asks if you want to join the group for dinner has boorish awful friends. I far prefer sitting on a step chatting with one person about their travels. :)
Andrew recently posted..Fun with Translation- Animals Edition
I agree with you that eating alone can be oddly comforting and a quiet thrill when you realize that it doesn’t scare you any longer. Like you, I take a notebook and a novel with me, and have found that a quick smile to other diners often results in joining another group’s table, and likely some newfound friends. But when feeling contemplative, it’s a glorious thing, to sit and watch people streaming by, to see how other diners treat their food and just to eat slowly and appreciatively. For moods like that, nothing beats solo dining.
(I will say that I won most easily embarrassed in high school – it’s in my yearbook – and solo dining was a terrifying thought for years. But as I’ve travelled I’ve realized it’s become a quiet pleasure and that’s a great thing too).
Love the redesign, by the way!
Jodi recently posted..Thrillable Hours- Akila McConnell- traveller and writer
A millionaire bon-vivant of a past era was once asked, “What is the ideal size for a dinner party?” He replied, “Two. Me, and a damn good head waiter.”
Thanks you all for the comments so far!
Well, guess the quote ‘show me what you eat I tell you what personality you are’ can be easily translated or extended in the way we coop with that solo dinner. It works, until it doesn’t work.
I remember one last night in Krabi Thailand before heading back to Bangkok, then the drudge of wintertime Europe and a daytime job. I ate for two weeks in the same restaurant, felt totally comfy with my book or stares at the passing traffic – just as I like it. But that night I really felt like a celebration, a proper farewell.
Munching my Masaman curry I already did notice that girl sitting by herself, so yeah, why linger, I ordered some fried banana, got over to her table and explained the situation.
Her reply was instant and quite warming: “Thank you! Yes! Please sit down! My head was about to explode!”
We had a wonderful evening. Of course I never saw her again. Still, it was perfect.
After my 20-month solo trip, I realized I rather enjoy eating alone. I can pick when I want to eat, what I want to eat and where I want to eat. I can go to a market and eat only fruit. Or only cheese & bread. I can buy a chocolate bar for a snack or a bag of crisps. And I can eat a melted chocolate bar with a spoon or lick the inside of a crunched bag of crisps and there is no one I know around me to judge. Eating alone (and traveling alone) certainly gives you more freedom and I, for one, like that. I can’t tell you how many meals have been delayed to crankiness because three people can’t decide when, what and where to eat. One mind is easier to make up than three!!! :) Afiyet olsun! Bon appetit! :)
Amy recently posted..Bring International Luck to Your Friday the 13th
Ah, ‘the where to go, what to eat, I want something new, no I want the same don’t you? etc etc’ pursuit of happiness and culinary fulfillment when not traveling solo – no thank you too.
This doesn’t work in every city, but as much as possible when travelling and eating alone, I like to sit outside (assuming the weather is OK) – either a table on the street or balcony – this way you can enjoy the scenery and/or people watch. Its my time to relax and I love watching the tourists and locals and working out their stories in my head.
Lee recently posted..Photo of the Day- Lovers’ Lane