Showcase
The day that heaps of people rush out to down todays top story ( Will Harry die or not? Will there be life after the story ends? The suspense...), my little surprise moment was less global, awaited with fewer anticipation, nah, on hindsight is was more like a sudden (but sorta friendly it turned out) tab on the shoulder with a grumpy morning temper me turning around, "Yeah, wot?".
The deal, I did make it to the Rapidweaver Showcase page. That is, the design of zooadventurer did. Yeah, they have started pampering me with vanity, put me on a pedestal. And oh boy, I hadn't even started yet, this all just in bloody beta stage, and what is worse, kinda intentional too. I mean my ideas are not moulded in bronze, I always prefer to present myself as jelly.
Ok, ok, I am sort of pleased, uhu, I can be, surprisingly. But still, the idea of becoming a kind of rolemodel, me, jeez... It scares the shit out of me. I mean, instead of just bumming around, pleading guilty, I excel in that too, suddenly it feels like the world wants me to live up to some sublime standard, and maintain on those glorious heights. Sounds impossible.
So is this a warning? Is this is what they mean by growing up, the hard way? Perhaps. I should have known. Damn, it was meant to happen one day, 'being thirty' already chilling for a while on the beach of time. But even though, me?
Procrastination
Ok, ok, the last 10 minutes I was all zen but sure wasting my time with this kind cute but pointless music-paint site, but no it's not true I spent all my time surfing the days away. Really, necessities aside, there are other ways I kill this uhm... reluctancy to have a good look around in this local world (and by that I mean, here not there, anywhere), cause well, ok it sucks big time but I absolutely, for example sake, adore the little sparrows, blackbirds and starlings (for some reason i dislike that fat pigeon) frenzy in my backyard. For the last weeks I am feeding them high fiber bread crumbs (only one day old, so not mouldy at all my dear pet friends) and today my favorite couple, the sparrow family that is living in the gutter just left of my bedroom, started hopping round my feet even before I finished my cigarette, chirping and jumping in the latest craze. They were lucky, the ciga didn't taste at all (do they ever?), my mood was one of cheerful acceptance (just awake and the weather needed only one layer of fabric, lush jeans an a T-shirt, to keep me in shape), and yes i had a slice of pumpkinseed bread ready. Aha.
And then later on I read this: 10 simple ways to save yourself from messing up your life. It's a lotta blah but I quite enjoyed the last point of the list: 'Don’t worry about about your personality. You don’t really have one'.
Life is bliss.
Judgement
It is a sunny day after all.
Gosh..
Bonsai Rainforrest
Endowed in my morning rituals of hot coffee and cigarettes (ah the wonderful world of perpetual demand : coffee to sooth a throbbing throat, which makes me yearn for a smoke, which hurts my...etc etc) so yeah, sipping/coughing, my twin mood, I sorta realized, well gosh, yes, oh dear... I am so exemplary for the mess we're all in.
Anyway i was reading about the flooding in Djakarta, Indonesia, and in a smaller article about the near depletion of the rainforrest in Sumatra and Borneo, and as the mind goes when confronted with things too big to handle, it cuts it down to tiny personal visuals and words, or well, suddenly i was thinking about Soylent Green I saw as a kid, especially that scene where Charles Heston visits this dome under gloomy skies, where the last living tree was standing. And then somehow, maybe because it was a rich guy who had that tree and maybe cause today our new government presented their plans for the future, I thought of Bonsai trees, free Bonsai Trees for everyone, with just one obligation: Keep it alive. I already could see the slogans: Nurture a bit of Nature.
Bonsai, dont you love it already, dont you love the ring of it? Bonsai..
And then I found this picture (see above) and lost direction and went like this:
1. In the eighties I had a haircut like that (tree), a less profiled one now (the guy).
2. According to Wikipedia 'a bonsai is not a genetically dwarfed plant. It is any tree or shrub species actively growing but kept small through a combination of pot confinement, and crown and root pruning', and thus there is still hope for me I guess, escaping this little contained and hairless life.
3. Also contemplated that Bonsai sounds really like Banzai, that Japanese battle cry during the war (II) before storming into a certain death, suicidal in their adoration for their emperor. The Japanese lost, sure deal.
Hmmm... why do I make everything so personal?
When Autumn Arrives...
So September did make it again. Ok, it's almost time to move on, get a clean shave, put on a nice tee, perfecting that corporate smile that will bring me back into 'a thou shall work' society. For now I won't settle for anything more then a temp job, a steady job still out of the question.
I need the money, yes, but no, I am not that willing, not that desperate to sacrifice what I am doing best. The idea is still there: work (as in a dreary job) as little as possible, have a good life nevertheless, well, because of that. It will be tough enough, the alarmclock settings, that early cup of coffee over a quick smoke, that pace in chains towards a 5 o'clock relief.
It shouldn't be but here I go. Meh.
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